Blog Post #1

Reasons for choosing this clip: I chose this clip because the concept of it, a woman using her feminine wiles to persuade a man, is familiar. We all probably have experienced some variation of that concept to a certain extent, whether we were in the woman’s shoes or the man’s shoes, so it should be easy to identify with.

Response: While this video clip shows us the usual ways of communication that men and women are associated with, it also calls into question an observation that Tannen has made in “Can’t We Talk?”

Debra was being deliberately coy in her attempt to dissuade Raymond. This is an indirect approach, and to add to it, not once did she voice out her desire for Raymond not to go golfing. According to Tannen, men dislike being manipulated by indirect approaches. In this video however, Raymond clearly recognizes Debra’s indirect approach, clearly knows that he is being manipulated, but contrary to Tannen’s observations, Raymond likes it. This is because Raymond is enjoying himself during Debra’s indirect approach, which made me realize that in communicating with men, indirect approaches can be effective as well despite the general statement that men prefer direct approaches.

This in turn made me wonder: “Would a direct approach have worked better in this scenario?” After some consideration, I would say probably not. If Debra had asked Raymond directly not to go, he would probably turn her request down on the spot because he had already set his mind upon going. However by using this indirect approach, not only is Debra giving him incentive to stay, she is also giving him time to weigh the respective benefits of staying or not staying and reconsider his final position on the matter. Herein lie the key differences between the two approaches, which in my opinion ultimately determine the success of one and the potential failure of the other.